Well, Brian’s fever did rise to about 102.5 by Thursday night and Friday morning, so he stayed home from school. He slept, did not scratch, and his skin cleared up head to toe, soft and smooth as a baby’s skin! Thank God for fevers! When he started scratching again and his skin started getting that light rashy look Friday evening, I said, “His fever must be breaking.” Sure enough, his temp was 98.6. The body is a curious thing. At least he got a 24-hour break from the maniacal itching.
Unfortunately, since he slept/rested all Thursday and most of the day Friday, he was wide awake and wired by Friday night. We saw all those weeks of finally getting his body to sleep by 12am, 11:30pm, and 11:00pm go down the drain. Noooo! Friday night was just as sleepless, scratchy, and screamy as a few months ago. He was still awake around 3:30am, slept late, and got out of the shower around 1pm Saturday afternoon. Back to the drawing board.
I was mad, resentful, frustrated, angry, pissed to the max! To top it all off, I caught the virus that Brian had–sore throat, congestion, malaise, non-productive cough–minus the fever. I spent all of Mother’s Day in bed but was happy that Brian and my husband were able to get out in the fresh air and sunshine to run and jump and move. I tried to think of various scenarios that would involve committing myself to the looney bin without impacting Brian’s and Kevin’s lives, but couldn’t come up with any, so I just stayed put and pleaded with God as to what he wanted me to do: “Thank You for this opportunity to rest, but what do You want me to do, LORD?”
Sleep and exercise deprivation aside, why was I angry and frustrated? After all, Brian is the one who is suffering, and he’s handling it as well as anyone could expect a 10-year-old to handle chronic pain, itch, lack of sleep, and missing pretty much most of his fifth grade year in school.
I guess it boils down to: if things aren’t going as (I) planned or if (my) expectations are not met, I get mad. The “plan” was to gradually get Brian back to school full time as the night itching gets better and his body clock gets back to normal. Well, it seemed that his clock got messed up again with this latest incident, which messed up my “plan.” What did God tell me? “Stop planning. Let go of expectations; let go of what other people think; let your son heal without pressure from you. I died to set you free, and that includes freedom from compulsive planning.” OUCH.
So, I let it go.
Last night, Brian slept an amazing 12am-6:58am with minimal disruptive scratching, and I dropped him off at school at 9:12am–bell rings at 9:10am. This is the earliest he has been able to get to school since last October. GOD is Good….I should give up planning altogether and just listen to Him more often. 🙂
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21